As a little girl I never quite like my sister. We would play barbies together (I always objected to the playing of barbies, but if you knew my little sister you would know that she rarely looses a fight). While she was trying to give her girl barbies fairy tale endings by way of fairy tale weddings, I, giving life to all of the Ken dolls, made it my purpose to ruin all of her fun.
As we grew older and started into the exciting life of teenagerdom and hormones, my distaste for the idea of romance blossomed and bloomed into more of a raging hatred against dating. Basically, I campaigned against ever having a boyfriend. I just could not understand why on earth any kind of relationship could be appealing.
After I came home from my mission, with opinions far from changed, I now entered into this world where I felt an incredible pressure to get married. It was not from any particular party, nor was it for me to fulfill anytime line, but I definitely felt it. And it didn’t want it. I Still hated the idea of having a boyfriend, let alone a husband. To be completely honest, I really just wanted to give my love to Christ and become a nun, but with faith in the fact the my path one day includes a fairy tale ending, I plunged head first into the world of dating.
Dating was not easy. Truthfully it still is not easy. Many times I only went out for the free food. I mean hey, I am a college student. After several attempts the seemed to be that all of those that I went on more than one date with were Latin American and, honestly, in many cases I only went out with them because I like to speak Spanish and dance Bachata.
I am not ashamed to say that one day a man did enter my life who completely changed my opinion of dating. He was a great guy. The most normal guy I ever dated, and we really just meshed well. After a couple months of seeing each other we had the “DTR” discussion and became “novios.”
We dated for several more months, and for the first time in my life I was actually able to understand why on earth people thought dating was a good idea. It was nice to always have someone to talk to, to confide in, to laugh with, to go on adventures with, to grow with. But alas, as this past summer drew to a close we came to realize that we, together would not be able to progress past dating. We were on two very different paths in life, each path the one God intended each of us to take, but they did not ever come together. We had to make the hard decision to end our relationship.
So you what to know what is worse than dating, breaking up. It SUCKS! Pardon my language, but there is no other way to describe the emotional roller coaster that follows what appears to be the tragic ripping apart of ones soul. Over a month later, sometimes I still feel some residual damage.
Why am I even writing this? Do I feel some need to vent to all of my 3 followers online? Unfortunately, no. I mean life would be some much easier if I could just take the high road and become a nun, but Mormons don’t really that. I am writing to say that I am a changed person. From my last relationship I learned one very important thing, I actually want to get married. I want to find someone who I can be with forever. I want to find someone who can help me grow closer to Christ. So I guess I won’t become a nun, but continue the struggle. Wish me luck.