A Desire to Believe

I have been waiting a long time to write this post. Way too long… maybe 4 or 5 months.  And just like always I am going to have to give you a little back story.

Well, ever since I can remember, I have liked learning. I was a quick study as a child, and even now, I don’t know how to function when I am not in school (I barely function in school, but trust me vacaciones are worse for me). 

As you can tell from my previous post I am very religious, and Mormon. And being such, I put a lot of trust into God’s plan for me and hope that he reveals to me things that i need to do to comply with that plan. One of the things that has been made very apparent to me, since a young age, was my need for higher education. That is to say, I felt like Gods plan for me was to pursue a PhD. I fell in love with physics and so, after graduating high school I started preparing myself to look good for graduate school applications. 

Well, college was not easy for me. I worked so hard to get the grades, but more than once I fell short. I got involved in research, and I loved working in the lab, not many of my efforts were unfruitful and yielded a null result. 

Last summer, while working in the temple I felt impressed to adjust my schedule and graduate in  August 2017, one whole year earlier than anticipated. This means that I would be starting graduate school one whole year before I was prepared to start it. 

Graduate school in physics is very competitive. They have many applicants and low acceptance rates, but I felt that if it was the right thing to do God would provide a way. I went forward with faith.

The first trial was a physics GRE. This test in crazy important. Every graduate school says that they don’t have a GRE score benchmark, but a good score on the GRE will guarantee you a spot in graduate school. Most people take 6 months to study for this test…. I had 6 weeks. But I thought faith would get me through… I was wrong. I did horribly on that test. I thought my chances on graduate school were ruined because of that score, but I went forward with anyway and applied.

I had lost hope. I thought hope was lost. I didn’t even want to go on. I thought I had failed and had no way of going to graduate school and that I was not enough. I prayed so hard! So hard! I wanted to have the faith to move forward, but I had none. 

During this time, when I was in one of my lowest lows I remembered the words of Alma in the Book of Mormon. 

But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

Alma 32:27

I wanted to hard to have faith, to trust that God would make tup he difference. That his atonement was enough for me. I just couldn’t accept that I deserved the help. I did have a desire, so every night I poured out my heart expressing my desire to have  faith. My desire to put my trust in God.

One day I received a recruiting email from the University of Oklahoma. I usually ignore recruiting email because I do want to get a M.S. in psychological counseling, but this was was for a PhD in Atomic, Molocular and Optical physics. I sent an email back to recruiter wanting to learn more about their program. 

I started to research their program, and I started to really like what they had to offer. I found that their application was free so I applied. Within two weeks heard back.

I am excited to announce that once again God has blessed my life immensely. I really does provide a way for us to accomplish all that is required of us. I know that our Savior Jesus Christ suffered for our pains and afflictions. I was comforted in my lowest lows and he loved my enough to lift me up. This coming fall 2017 I will be attending the University of Oklahoma as a graduate student. I and pursuing a PhD in Atomic, Molecular, and optical physics.

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