Trying to Find Strength

Names have been changes

Yesterday just before 7pm my phone rang. Heading out the door with my pup so he could do his business, I went back to my office to get the phone. I NEVER answer the phone when I do not recognize the phone number, but for some reason I did this time.

Hello, Miriah?

This is Alejandro Sans…

My heart dropped

I have dated few people in my life, but this Alejandro Sans left me scared. We went out for just a few weeks, but in that time he managed to take advantage me in almost every possible way. While dating him I lost all sense of value and self worth.

Blaming myself for being trapped in such a horrible situation, I took out my emotions on those closest to me. Those to whom I wanted to express my pain to but couldn’t. In just a few short weeks, I lost myself, and the results of that relationship and the other occasions form the following months made me lose the will to live.

Honestly, I have no idea how Alejandro Sans had my number, he didn’t even have a phone when we were dating. Each tries to contact me over social media I block him. Yesterday, I blocked the number he used to call. I have done everything I can to avoid him and forget him, but I know that is not enough. In therapy, we have discussed what happened, but I am hesitant to work through the pain because I don’t want to relive it. I want it to have never happened.

Never in my life did I think I would be in a position like this. Now, I just think of those who get trapped in situations similar to or worse than what I went through. They may be enduring pain for months, years or even a lifetime. I grieve for them. I cannot imagine that pain, and I admire them for their undying strength to overcome. Strength much stronger than my own.

I am grateful for my loving parents who have been undying examples of love and respect. I am happy that they can celebrate their 46th anniversary this weekend. Additionally, I am grateful for my Maxi dog. He has given me so much strength and will in the few short months that I have had him. He is the most amazing blessing to me. Lastly, I am grateful for the strength I have found in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It is why I am alive to day and how I find the strength to continue daily.